FORGIVENESS.......... (WORK IN PROGRESS)

 

A very good friend of mine once asked me “why is it hard for you to forgive? You like holding things tight to your chest” and I had a very good laugh because I felt he was being overly dramatic. Fast forward to a few hours later that same day, I remembered our conversation, and I had a long talk with myself and came to the simple conclusion that I forgive but it is almost impossible for me to forget. Now before you start feeling all judgemental ask yourself really how easy it is to forget what someone you hold dear has done to you? It is even harder when you see that person every single day, for instance your roommate, spouse, a parent, a family member, a sibling etc.

 

You know, the point of forgiveness as I have come to learn is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense. He or she lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

What i have also come to realize is that, we cannot truly forgive of our own free will, we need the help of God to truly forgive and forget, while wishing the said offender well. A passage in the bible readily comes to mind;

“AND WHENEVER YOU STAND PRAYING, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25).

Finally this goes to show that forgiving does not mean you are doing the person a favor, but you are also releasing yourself and making sure that your heavenly father forgives you also, because whether you like it or not, we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God at a point in our lives. So let us fix up and do the needful.

 

p.s; it has been a couple of years since I last blogged, and boy do I have lots of gist for you. Abeg in the spirit of this I ask for forgiveness, and I promise to do the needful and fix up. Daalu nu.

just a little something......... Divorce

I cannot even start apologising without feeling a truckload of guilt. How I wan use mouth take talk the "I am sorry self"? How and where do I begin the apologising from? This is me kneeling, rolling, somersaulting, backfliping with apologies.

Well unto more important stuff I guess that life has been as fair to you all as it has been to me. Well a lot has happened in the past year in fact a major change has transpired in my life apart from the fact that my laptop has suddenly turned into a television (once the power is out the thing just dies) I have finally through with college YIPEEEEEEE *whips out wrapper and enters owigiri style of dancing* I turned 22 in march. Added a lot of weight and DUM..DUM...DUM DRUMROLL PLEASE.... I got engaged to the best man in the whole uniiverse. its quite obvious im excited right? well the above gist shall be turned into a bit of a mini diary right here on this blog... i wish i could vow and pledge to post as much and as frequent as possible, but lets see how it goes. and with this whole talk about marriage, i started wondering why and what particular reasons make people get a divorce and i came up with a short piece......................

DIVORCE (this is to show that it does not have to be anything major before divorce happens, there is only so much a woman can take) My name is Bernice and I will just get to the business of it. I would describe myself as a free spirit, who simply means an uninhibited person or in plainer English an independent person, so I have never been a clingy female; in fact clingy females disgust me to no end.
Let me tell you a little bit about my kind of person. I am a woman in all ramifications of the word, richly endowed in the right places, looking good is a necessity, smelling heavenly is mandatory, and putting things in their right position is the way to go. On work days I'm all covered up in the right places with good work shoes and moderate makeup on while on Fridays I love to let my hair down, cleaveage exposed, six inch heels and with the reddest of lips, swaying my hips to the latest jam. You would never see me in party shoes or clothes on a Sunday morning; neither would you see a lot of flesh covered on a Friday night. Yes, this is me in summary and I expect you to love me for who I am.

         I am going to keep this as short as possible, you really cannot tell how much emotional and psychological trauma I go through on a daily basis when things just don’t go my way or when things are not done in the right way, doctors have termed my condition as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) but I really couldn’t be bothered. This led me to my search for the one man who would and could keep up with my kind of lifestyle. It took me five years to finally find someone who tried to fit in, he was as sweet as I would let him be to me, did all the romantic things a man would do; and then I decided that we would get married, he had no objections... I opted for a small wedding ceremony, because I most definitely could not stand a swarm of sweaty people who have only come to eat my food and at least I could control the crowd a little bit from where I would be seated. It was perfect.

The marriage was far from it; Eric (my husband) did every single thing wrong. He would always press the tube of the toothpaste from the middle, drop a large black, green or brown lump of excreta depending on whatever we had the night before in the toilet bowl and would just walk away as though he was from the lineage of Lot who God told not to look back in the bible. When he urinates, it is as though he is playing basketball with his penis and his urine with the toilet bowl as his target. yes i can imagine the look of disgust on your face but believe me it is better imagines than experienced. Just imagine this... rushing into the toilet with your bladder almost bursting, of course You do not look where you are going because your bum instinctively knows where to sit and immediately your behind hits the toilet sit you realize that you are sitting on something wet while the smell of stale urine hits you full force. I haven’t even gotten to the snoring part. Anyway to keep my sanity I had to do something, I had even called my lawyer friend to ask for how long I could stay in prison if I mistakenly killed someone, but the response wasn’t even nice at all. Do you even know I considered going to a traditionalist in search of a more PERMANENT CURE. My best bet at the end of the day was to settle for a divorce, I never doubted his love for me o, but abeg before I use person pikin take learn how to do sacrifice, make I just jejely leave am biko. It hurt me, but I had to keep myself sane!!

That is how my marriage which hadn't even lasted a year ended in an ugly divorce....what do i blame my OCD? or My Husbands Disgusting actions????

whachumacallit

 SOME SORT OF RANT OR WHATCHUMACALLIT


*stretches, gives a very wide yawn with my broom on my right hand; proceeds to sweep the cobwebs, anthills and wasp houses which have somehow accumulated on this space, whistling and shaking my bom-bom to Owigiri (local Igbo music). Proceeds to bring out my local chewing stick from the other side of my wrapper...........in fact let me stop here before I finally bring my bride price which has been on a steady depreciating level, thanks to the sort of rubbish unladylike things I do sometimes*
Now unto more serious issues, I am here wondering what it is that I could talk about after this EXTRA LONG HIATUS Disappearance, which by the way I'm Extra sorry for, fast forward to three hours later and I'm still here staring blankly at my laptop and still don’t know what to talk about, so this post will probably turn into a rant.
I have lived over 2 decades on this earth and some things just baffle the heaven out of me, I cannot for the life of me understand how a girl who is already 17yrs old cannot cook. SEVENfriggingTEEN????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Now how does that work? I mean I might try to understand when the girl is still a little bit confused as to if to put the ogiri straight into the pot or if she should liquidize it before putting into the Oha-soup, or when she does not know how to cook those very local delicacies which only our grand mums know how to make; but then when a girl of that age doesn’t know how to boil rice, I think that one is bothering on senility, I mean come on, THINGS LIKE YAM, RICE, BEANS, NOODLES, POTATO, PLANTAIN, SPAGHETTI are not rocket science now, Haba!!! By now I'm sure you are wondering why I'm taking this really personal, but an incident happened recently at the home front and it not just affected me mentally but it damn near gave me THE MOTHER OF ALL ULCERS.
I come back from work extremely exhausted, famished, tired, weak, frail, feeble, in fact insert all the words you can think of which would explain tiredness (you catch my drift now) prior to my coming back I got a call from my cousin asking if I wanted her to prepare anything special for me for dinner ( at this point I'm thanking Jehovah jireh for this, because apart from the very tiring day that I have had, MRS OGA (Menstruation) decided to show up, and unlike my friends to say that I have a painful menstruation is to put it mildly, I have excruciatingly painful pain which comes in three dimensions; it starts with my waist, then moves unto my back and finally settles on my stomach; so all I had on my mind was a hot bath and a hot water bottle resting on my abdomen, then maybe a cup of tea at the end of the day before I finally go to bed, so food wasn’t even a part of my agenda, this was one of those days when you realize you are so tired to even eat, so this was the mood I was in jejely, when nothing short of an evil spirit entered this cousin of mine to ask for what I would eat, I thought this was really nice of her, so I just told her to boil rice for me and warm the fish pepper soup which was already in the freezer, after giving this instruction I smile contentedly while limping in pain because for some reason the pain has somehow affected my knee (story of my life, sometimes I just wish I could be unconscious for the bleeding days).
I finally get home and I'm expecting piping hot fish pepper soup with rice by the side, but I get the ELA Shock of life when I see beloved Coz of mine watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians, I almost loose it here, because I'm in so much pain and I really have low tolerance level for pain, not to talk of when the pain is laced with disappointment; as if in agreement to my feeling my tummy makes a really Loud noise announcing that it has been neglected for a while, at this point I dejectedly walk into my room. Fast forward to an hour and I’d already had my bath and I'm on my bed with the hot-water-bottle sitting happily on my stomach, still waiting for the food to be brought to my room; this is when I hear a knock on my door and hear her voice asking “Should I wait for the pot to be hot before I put the rice or should I just put the rice and water and magi in the pot and put on the fire?” at this point I swear I could feel fire come out of my ears, and what I say sounds somewhat like this “whstvgdghuilhshshshggfbjbj” and the look on my face cannot be explained, it’s a mixture of disbelief + Anger + Shock + Weakness + Astonishment = BEWILDERSHOCK ( I know there is no word like this, but when you add all that up, this is what you get?) . Sarcastically I tell her to put the pot in the oven if she doesn’t know what to do with the rice, and while she’s at it she should not only put maggi in the rice but also rosemary and Nutmeg.
I didn’t even know that I had slept off, till the smell of something burning woke me up, I jump up with alacrity while grabbing my laptop bag which is the first thing iv programmed my mind to reach for once my brain senses danger; in this bag I have my I-PAD, LAPTOP, EXTRA WALLET, MASTERCARD AND OTHER IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS.(I had to put this bag at a very vantage point, in-case of any emergency; I had had a very bad scare at some time in my life which is why I'm always prepared for any wahala, I’d talk about this later in a different post) As I flee out of the house shouting FIRE!! With my laptop bag strapped on my back, without slippers and a bleeding bladder, thanks to my condition I wore a complete pyjama. As I stop to catch my breath, I hear running footsteps behind me and I don’t even stop to look I just enter gear three with my legs while clutching my belongings; it wasn’t until I got to the main gate, that Adamu (the gateman) rushes out with a confused look on his face asking what is wrong, this is when I turn and see my parents, cousin and siblings looking confused also, and I'm wondering if they didn’t smell the smoke, I mean, I know my imagination can be hyperactive, but I couldn’t possibly have imagined the smell of something burning. We all finally get to calm down and I find out that my cousin did exactly what I told her to do, she did everything to the letter even to the point of borrowing Nutmeg from our neighbour because we had run out of ours, and she burnt the pot to the point of uselessness, need I talk about the state of the rice? At this juncture I'm evidently too weak to think of what to say. But the beginning and end of this long story is that MY 17YR OLD COUSIN CANNOT BOIL RICE!!!!!
I started cooking at the age of twelve, and I had four siblings at this time; so at that age I had mastered the art of MULTITASKING, what with carrying the baby, washing napkins (which I absolutely abhorred) going to school, homework, playing, watching television, normal morning chores et al. Oh yeah and lest I forget the occasional punishment and flogging which comes with growing up. I tell you children of these days have it really easy, then when Mum was teaching me how to cook, it came with the warning of how no man would marry me if I didn’t know how to cook well, this brought about the added gusto to my cooking abilities. I shake my head at the children of this generation........... :’(

Something else which is quite hard for me to wrap my head around is the LEVEL OF STUPIDITY which has somehow melted the little good sense which I thought my Nigerian people had. Two days ago I got a broadcast telling people not to wear red because if you do, death will be the consequence; obviously this is supposed to be a joke, so I tweet something as to how I won’t only wear one shade of RED but all Shades of RED and I would be so Red that Sango would be envious of me, Anamachikwanu. This was a tweet which was twitted in good light oo, and someone decided to carry it on his head to preach to me about the consequences of not listening to the warnings of the WISE. (Insert bbm confused smiley here) how the hell has what we wear got to do with anything? I mean is this why we are here? I just reply him saying that “I FEEL ETHICLLY BOUND TO KILL HIM, BECAUSE THIS LEVEL OF STUPIDITY CAN BE CONTAGIOUS” and he replies asking if I'm wearing Red as we speak, to this I answer in the affirmative, and he replies saying that it is because of the RED I'm wearing, thats why I'm suddenly violent. (X_x) At this point I can only conclude that the world is definitely coming to an END, and QUICKLY too.

There are other things which make me wonder are quite numerous such as WOMEN CHEATING ON THEIR PARTNERS AND FLAUNTING IT, I mean we have married women cheating and people not saying anything about it but rather telling them to go on as though nothing was wrong with it, and don’t get me wrong here I'm not saying it is okay for men to cheat either but I just believe it is a TABOO for women to cheat and think nothing about it.
Okay its time I drop my mic * ties wrapper well and does the douggie out*
I'm OUT!!

you have no jurisdiction over my body........

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MY BODY MY RULES.........................................................

Will post something real quick about this as soon as i'm done with my exams......

watch this space...!!!!

BLACK SUNdAy................. WITH A HEAVY HEART I WRITE THIS... This Sunday is quite a sad one, according to the news about 153 lives have been lost in the DANA airplane crash, so the plane crashed in Iju Lagos state, were it crashlanded on a Powerline in the area.... Harold Demuren, head of the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA), confirmed the crash. He said the Dana Air flight was heading from Lagos to Abuja in Nigeria. He said federal authorities were on their way to the site of the crash. I got some gruesome pictures sent to me via Bbm but I would rather not post them here.....pictures of charred bodies which when I remember I just shed tears.... On twitter while going through my timeline, some ITIMPATAKA (Idiot) tweeted about the aircrash and was laughing about it, while another EFUlEFU was busy condemning "RICH" people for not using the bus.... And I wonder to myself, where the hell do these people get off? People have lost their lives, loved ones and the least you could do is say a word of prayer for their families.... Well I guess this goes to show the height of some people's hopelessness.... And for the Human that tweeted about show offs and airplanes and how good it was for the plane to have crashed, words can't express the depth of the kind of IDIOcY you have..... In other news there was another Bomb blast in Bauchi! With at least 15 people have been confirmed dead and 40 injured in Bauchi state after a man drove a car full of explosives into Living Faith Church this morning. Speculators say this is another Boko Haram attack..... This also gets me wondering, when did Nigerians become associated with bombs???? More so we are not any better than the people in that flight, a word of thanks to God for keeping us alive and also a prayer of forgiveness, cos' Frankly we really don't know when it's going to be out time to face our maker.... At the end of the day......the only thing we have left is the grace and Mercy of the lord to keep us and guide us through.....in the words of Sunny Okosun, I ask again Which way Nigeria??? Realllly sad...... This post might come out all mumbled up, I hurriedly Ty Ed this on my I-pad, cos my laptop is quite far from me......

jUST RaNTiNg............... Ok, I am definitely not averse to those who think cooking for their MEN is a MUST....but I definitely draw the line with some stuffs, ok maybe I am sounding a bit off the edge here but how else do you explain this.? Ezinne is a tall, ebony skinned girl who has almost everything going for her, comes from an average family, schools in the prestigious university of Lagos , in her second year , comes from one of the east-western states. Ok the deal here now is that she has a BOYfriend, who in the actual sense of the word is a MAN, but is still in the phase of BOY in the terms of this relationship.    She's a solid believer that a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but one of the issues I have is that this boyfriend of hers lives in *cue.....Drumroll * ENUGU.  She leaves school every Friday goes to the bus park, boards Ekene Dili Chukwu motors and heads straight to 9th mile, where she boards another bus heading to her beloved's house.....              When she gets there  she proceeds to take all of his dirty clothes which he piles by the bathroom door straight to the backyard to wash them with a bar soap which he keeps next to the black corodome she says, when i asked Obi to get a washing machine,he said he doesn't like his clothes washed in the machine, but just the way his mother washes them...Once she is done, she heads straight to the kitchen, to stock his freezer with soup, stew and either jollof rice or fried, depending on the one which was cooked last week, washes the bathroom, makes the house clean and dresses his bed, all these she does before she even thinks of having her bath and resting from the journey...... Whenever he comes home, he has freshly squeezed juice and home made meal waiting for him, once he is done with his bath, he goes to a very tired albeit willing Ezinne for his nightly ' RIGHTS' .... This is a typical weekend in Ezinne's life....oh! And did i mention that she is just 21 years old?  And this MAN hasn't put a ring on it  .            In my opinion when in a relationship with any Man or Boy, that is the time for enjoyment Biko, eating out and all the likes, I would only cook if I feel like it, or just to make you have a taste of my cooking ... I can't even begin to fathom the kind of medicine that would have been used on my head, before I would start to think of  1. Washing his clothes 2. Stocking his freezer with food  3. Cleaning and scrubbing both the toilet and bathroom. 4. Any of all those funny things ..... Tell me what you think........

MYSELF

Many different people walk the face of the earth Yet only one have I truly known since birth Seeing things with soundness and clarity of mind Eager to search, seek, discover and find Loving and gentle with a spirit so free Far and wide you may look, but will never see another me Nefertity . This poem really had me thinking about my life and where I have come thus far, truth be told i believe I've been a really FAVORED person, Right from my birth which was in Ekosodi in former Bende now Benin, I really wish I can say I knew much about the place, but immediately I was brought into the world, na so they bundle me commot one time, it took mum a While to have me, so I guess it's safe to say I was Quite spoilt when growing up, but I guess I stopped getting all that kind of UNSHARED love when the other soldiers started coming,so my only child status was quite short lived... , yeah but what can I say, Nothing lasts forever!! Then I graduated to the Post of being the ADA( the first girl ) and everything changed, I started washing clothes, sweeping, washing plates, I complained time and time again to Mum and told her to get a maid, but she said " why would I do that when I have you?" and I keep wondering to myself, am I supposed to be the maid? But then I definitely couldn't tell her that, before I would see my ears without using the mirror, my mothers flogging is EPIC....I'm yet to see who would rival her in that aspect. I started school at the age of 3, was literally engaged to Aunty Bridget's unborn son, cos' of the kind of delicacies that was always in my lunch box.....mum would always cut the tomatoes into different shapes and sizes, when I had rice, rest assured that there would be some funny looking veggies somewhere and that kind thing sha, anyways the kook of this lunch box story was that, I would gladly give it to my teacher in exchange for GOOD OLD CHOCOLATE CABIN biscuit. ;) I don't need to tell you of what happened when mum finally found out. Was on a scholarship throughout primary school ( yeah I know, I'm that smart :) , hehehe) and I guess that gave Dad a respite, and in my little head I knew that was no mean feat, so I think I expected to be treated with ultra care, just In case my brain packed up....but that definitely didn't give me any green card to do rubbish and get away with it ooh. Finished primary school at age 9, got into secondary school immediately, and continued in the high flying mode, until .................( story for another day) finished secondary school, and waited in frustration for 2 years to get into the university, in that 2 years ehnnn....that was when I finally believed that an idle brain is truly the devils workshop. Anyways in that two years, I went to a family friend and asked to work in her supermarket, after much persuasion I was finally given the job, and my salary was a WHOOPING 5,000 Naira,(did you just raise your eyebrow and laugh)that was a huge amount of money then ooo. I stayed on the job for 2 months and moved onto greener pastures hehehehe, yes ooh, at that time I knew that wasn't what I wanted , I finally got my dream Job (without a school cert oooo) this while I was still awaiting my results , at the very first boutique in the hood...it was really a major ish then sha, and I really love dressing people up, and given my (unwanted ) advice every time sonthisnwas the best job for me then, did that for a whole 5 months........! wOW, now that's major, I never stay in something for a long period of time, Id just get bored. After some lessons, I finally got into a school, which I never thought I would get into, infant it was more like a school I never ever ever ever wanted to go to, but finally in grateful and thankful to the almighty, because everything will surely work for my good.....I can even start telling you the WAHALA in this place, for more information on the kind of school I'm in it's in one of the earliest posts I made. Funny how, as much as I don't really like this school and stuff, I'm the best in my level (na God) *side note* it's really frustrating when people think that because your are good looking and dress well, it's quite strange to be SMART/BRAINY, who the hell propounded such a theory? When people look at me, they see a cool, calm,intelligent,collected, babe, visionary, someone whodoesntbgive a flying fart about what people say about her, leader amidst some other great attributes, oh and also BEAUTIFUL ;) . But before I became This sort of person, I used to be all sorts of awkward, had low self esteem, didn't think much about myself at all, kissed ass a lot of times, just to feel among, chai, not pleasant memories though, but I guess it's all part of a phase To finally get to where I am....and also where I am going. I have 9 months left to be done with university and from my freshman year till date, I've had the privilege of working with Great people, and yeah i get paid too (neither 5,000 nor 7,000) :) have met with great minds and people whom I only used to see on television and read about, ...... I just thank God for where I am thus far, and where he is taking me....... I'm going to be a year older in 3 days, and. I'm extra excited, and also need to make a few changes in my life....I'm definitely going to let my hair loose and have More fun, and be a little bit less serious! Using this opportunity to list some random facts about myself: 1. Favorite song: none, determined by my mood 2. PET: dogs definitely 3. WHITE or BLACK: black 4. Best feature: eyes, lips, smile, shape, brain........ (uh,cheated on this one, couldn't determine which 1 to pick) 5. Attitude: bull, have to get the job done, can't be sleeping when I have stuff to do, a wheel barrow full of madness, Creative, take time out to have a great laugh. 6. PERFECTION: unlimited cheddar, to do the million and one things I want to do. 7. I'm a jack of all trades: don't believe there is a guy job and woman Jon, if my bulb spoils I change it, faucet stops, I get out my overalls, etc (yeah I'm that kind of girl) 8. My life just has to make an impact on a wholeeeeeee lot of people, non negotiable, this just has to happen 9. I love God, the holy spirit .......with a passion 10. I like making my point known 11. Highly ambitious...... 12. Super heiress to world fortune and multi billionaire in the making 13. My imagination is completely out of this world 14. If been planning my wedding since I was 16 x_x 15. Been to the club just once in my life 16. I like looking for small trouble..... 17. At some point I thought I would be a lawyer, then an air hostess, then a presidents wife, a musician, a fashion designer, ......( what can I say, I get bored easily) 18. Procrastinate a lot at times ( don't judge me) 19. Books are the best things to happen to humans......reading a great book, gives orgasms (hehehehehe) 20. Fashion loving Mmmmmuahhh... Toddles............

BIKO GBAGHALUNUM...............................................(PLEASE FORGIVE ME)

Choi, I cannot believe that its been over three months since I blogged!!!!!

I don't even know how to start begging for forgiveness ehnn...(on my knees) oooh did I hear stand up? Oohh my people (now smiling) I knew you all would come around to forgiving me....okay moving on,

Not a lot has even happened in my life since then self, (ok, apart from the fact that I had valicera and malaria, which has left me looking like spotty in Super ted) one would think that when I finally get to blog on something I would have plenty gist, but I no go lie, my life has been full of reading, studying, being sick and my out of school work......................this hasn't been easy in any way.

In other news 4 very spectacular things happened in my life,

1. I finally got my I-PAD 2 (Nke abuo) #now dancing alanta# iv been postponing this forever.

2. Got an invite to see the wonderment of Dubai for 5 days and I get to stay in that 8^th wonder of the world hotel #now dies#

3. Got another invite to visit South-Africa for 3 days

4. And another one to the calabar carnival which lasts for the whole of the month of December.

All these blessings for me, and then I get to ask for anything, for my x-mas present (from my darling Uncle)................................................did I add that all these invite were from ndi- umu- nwoke? (The male gender).

This is where I am confused, cos I really dunno where to start receiving from, or even what to ask my uncle for, ideas please...........................................

*right hand on my chest* I promise to update as soon as I can get my lazy derriere outta the chair regularly as I can......

(Now running back to rehearsals.............................................)*see my old post on my life in school*

work.......................one second

I just made Editor-in -cheif!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! will give y'all d gist later...............

this is something culled from my column in the mag. which i write for.

It is imperative to note that Relationship Writers sooner loose the trusted friends that they have because we end up using their stories for the benefit of you the readers, this is not done out of spite or lack of things to do or write, it’s just that “MAN MUST WACK” and the economy as we know it now, isn’t what it used to be, so there is no FINE LOOKING, YOUNG, FRESH AND EXTREMELY RICH GENTLEMAN out there who will be willing to foot my bills, without me “FOOTING HIS BILLS”(if you know what I mean) so my dear friends, I can’t begin to express the depth of the love which i have for you, but I’ve got to use your stories so that i don’t end up living in the streets, so ABEG make una no vex, without this your sister is going to be homeless, but I promise you, once i continue in this pace for the next 4 years, ill reward you all with those fantasies which we Have always had (i cross my heart).

OK, moving on, back to my to the Subject matter, I have a friend of mine who pinged me (for the benefit of those who don’t understand what pinged is, this is the past tense of ping, which is the software which allows people like me keep up with Gossip from all over the globe using the blackberry device: with the way gist gets to places through this device, you would think that CNN was becoming extinct), asking me if she was brain damaged, to have broken up with her boy-friend of 5years. For a minute I’m taken aback by what she asks, because the last time I checked I was a young –steady-climbing –up-the-prongs-of-the-ladder-of-success-in-the-very-interesting-world-of-media. So I was seriously wondering where the part in which I had to analyse her mental state came in. Finally I call her, because this kind of gist can’t be fully analyzed with pinging alone, then I get her to calm down and finally talk to me in English,(because when I called her, im sure her mind mistook me for the shrink, which to me she should have seen, since the first day she started dating that rogue, but I don’t tell her this; then she complicates issues by mixing the little she knows of igbo, conk Yoruba and fluid pidgin. I had a bit of wahala piecing everything together, since I’m an Undiluted Igbo gal from the in the interior of Anambra state) and this was what she had to say:

I was on my desk in the office very happily trying to figure out the turn which my life will take next, no sooner had I gotten to the interesting part where I have my kids (twins actually)  strolling through the park of either Pennsauken in New Jersey or Queens street in London. Than my phone rings, and guess who, MR. ENDOWED      calls, (this is what she calls her Boyfriend) and he asks me if I would like to spend the public holiday which comes with 2 extra days off work which makes it 3 working days plus the weekend with him, I happily agree to this, because work was suddenly becoming seriously monotonous and annoying. (Secretly I was wishing that he would finally pop the question, ahn ahn five years no be child’s play, and as my Oyinbo people will say, my biological clock is seriously ticking fast), I get so excited about the whole thing, that I decide to feign severe menstrual cramps, since work was even kind of slow, I felt no conscience prick me, as I leave the office with my house on my mind, thinking of what to pack for this 5 day impromptu vacation, but first I have to stop at the spa and get the long overdue monstrosity of hairs which have decided to settle on my legs and my bikini area, (at least if this kind of hair was found on my head, it would have been a major advantage to my pocket, and I wouldn’t have to spend such huge amounts on my weaves) and also I have to get those Overtly sexy lingerie which I saw in the Bras and Pants shop, this was a great excuse to finally splurge on something nice and not feel guilty about it.

I got my things ready. And drove straight to his place, wanting to cook something really good, this I do and after a while I decide to use the Jacuzzi soaking in the bath salts and other Mede Mede which I know makes the skin very soft to touch with Kenny Rogers playing in the background, I couldn’t wish for a better way to end my day I think to myself, while sighing with pure contentment.

This is when I hear the key turn in the lock.

By this time I smile to myself, because I know it’s going to be a good night.

To cut the long story short, we had a long blissful and extremely fun time together, and I was still hopeful that he would pop the question, if you see the way I was sweeping and cleaning, you would think that I was on my way to winning an award for the best house keeper, but what I was really doing was to see if the long awaited ring was hidden somewhere In the house, but much to my disappointment, I didn’t find anything.

Finally it’s time for me to leave, and I’m on the couch snuggling on him, still expecting a question, in fact ehn at that point I wanted to smack him head on with a bible and ask him myself, if he didn’t Have a clue.................no sooner had I thought this, that he sits up and says he wants to ask me a question, and also tell me something, at this point I sit up with alacrity and with a smile pasted on my face I thank all the gods that I can think of, then he says with a slightly serious look on his face “I have decided to join the convent, because that was my dead fathers last wish”, I felt as if I had been dealt a terrible blow at the back of my chest, and then I burst out laughing, thinking it was some kind of huge joke. As I look at him more closely, I realize that he is dead serious, all I can do at that point in time, was to give him the dirtiest slap ever, can you imagine the cheek of it? You want to be a reverend father and you have been GBENSHING me for the past 5 years? My God will punish you, he will make sure you don’t see good in life, the kind of curses that run through my mouth for him were endless, I was surprised at the dexterity of my anger, but surprisingly I didn’t shed a single tear, I guess I was too shocked to even think. How I got home that day in my car, was a miracle, because I wasn’t even seeing the road, my mind was in turmoil, my head felt like it was about to burst, normally I would have begged him to rethink his decision and consider me, seeing as I was in my mid-thirties already. To cut the long story short, na so I dey relationship of 5 years and na so I carry hand for head come out, which kind life be that?

The truth be told, I was speechless when she told me this story, I thought this only happened in the Nollywood kind of drama which I watch on Satellite. But this happened to my friend and I know this isn’t no fairy tale, because me self I know the Idiota bobo very well and the thought of him going into the convent left me totally flummoxed, how on earth does a known player who decided to change after meeting my friend,whom he dated for five years,finally decide to go in to a convent seeing as he is already 40 years old? (and please, isn’t there a rule that says we should be chaste and pure and all that stuff before going into marriage with the lord?, please I need to be put correct on this, because I’m not so sure)

Please this is a little side note to my chickas out there, I think we should know serious men when we see them, if we have been going out for 2 years self, and I’m talking, when you are with the person who you feel you can spend the rest of your life with, then please, please, please and please, if the dude isn’t showing signs of trying to be a good and reasonable dude and by this I mean, someone who is showing signs of passing the marriage ability test, then by all means puhhhhhlease pack your bag and baggage’s, take off your shoes, put them under your arms and run for your dear life because that man will only milk you till you are high and dry and left for the vultures of hatred to pick on you till you are a loveless, hatred filled Cruela d’eville  poisoning the hearts of many young girls on the kind of man they choose for themselves, and then the people of the world who don’t know what had gone on before will tag her A FEMINIST.

I had a long talk with one of my male friends about this same issue, and he said “We know if we can marry a babe once we see her, I could be an item with a babe for as long as 3 years or more and still not marry her, the truth is that the said girl could be a very  good girlfriend material”(at this point im wondering to myself, what in heaven’s name is  girlfriend material?, so I can be good for a girlfriend but not wife material? I shake my head sadly at this)

So what I can deduce from this convo. Is that he would suck the lady till she’s as fat as Smiggle in the Lord of the Rings? (Remember the movie?) Mehn this was a real eye opener to me, but my question now is, “if you enjoy cheese so much, why don’t you buy the Damn cow?

wats being natural got to do with it??

Please, I don't know about y'all but I'm really tired of these team of girls who go about preaching the gospel of how ladies are supposed to carry our God-given hair(natural hair), and not go about fixing weaves and all that silifatu kinda talk. Seriously I don't get what the rave is about,the wahala now is whether I should carry my natural hair or NOT!! (Hehehehehe, there is nothing I won't see in this my life). My question is how exactly is it an issue to anybody what I decide to do to MY hair (please note the emphasis being place on the significant word "MY") the hair is Mine, so I don't see what da' HELL(in chi gurls voice) that has got to do with you, if I decide to carry suku ologede, kpatewo, coroba, orisa-bunmi, Brazilian, peruvian, Nnewi, or Aba hair, na my hair......ahn ahn, the rate at which Nigerian babes decide to drink Alomo bitters for other peoples constipation, never ceases make me wonder!!
If they were so hell bent on staying natural and all that SULE kind of ish, they should by all means stick to speaking their native tongue, eating just their native food, and I don't think they should bother going to school either, because its only natural for them to be in their natural habitat learning how to kill and skin animals for their hides and skin and all that!.....
I'm sure by now you are wondering why I'm pressing control P on this one (getting angry), its because the whole thing is getting on my nerves, and the thing these team natural hair people don't tell you is how many combs you have to buy,because for sho' your combs must break whilst combing, and they don't tell you the amount of Alabukun you will also take for the king of headaches you'll get as a parting gift from the comb, or the VERRRRYYY BAD HAIR DAYS, when you will most definitely be in a hurry to get to work or get some errands done, and what you see in the mirror makes you remember chukky....

*DISCLAIMER* : I have no issue with those who have decided to go all natural with their hair and all, but please I would appreciate it, if you don't shove your opinion down my throat, if it works for you, fine..... I have actually never relaxed my hair, because of the texture, so all I do is texturize it, after which once water touches it, it goes back to being natural, I don't think I need a flag or emblem on my head to cast everyone with a weave or relaxed hair to eternal damnation!!

*side note* one of the girls that was even campaigning for the natural hair stuff, that came upto me, was on an Amber Rose steez, but she didnt dye it, the wahala now is that, whoever cut that hair for her must be a mechanic or cobbler, because the size of her Ogo (back of her head) was huge......in my heart all I could say was, even if I decided to join, seeing her and that horrible hair cut has discouraged me finally!!! Mtscheeewwwwwww,

*side note* I LOVE MY WEAVES!!!! Infact I'm a hair freak, so y'all Team natural ntutu (hair) should sue me!!

Luv y'all.......hugs and kisses

wake up call.......but then again, I haven't been sleeping, just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids!!

You know, iv always been a very determined person, and I go for what I want!!!! ..........
In re: to my last post, its gotta take more than just one man to let go of my dreams!!!
Iv found a better way to go about it, for him being a stumbling block to me, his loss, cos he just lost a student who would have made him a Star lecturer, but hey .....his choice ryt?

So here is d plan.......................
I stick to my Original plan, and be the best which I know I am, and made to be!! (Big smile)
Watch this space.................and moreover my bible makes me understand that all things worketh together for my good!!!



Soooooo....moving on to something else, today was the final sunday we would get to spend with the final year students....it was so touching, what with the hugs and singing and all those mushy stuffs, I almost cried, ok strije that, I CRIED with Envy, I really wanna leave this school (don't get me wrong oooh, I actually love learning, and its really got my friends worried, I can remember a period when we went to get our hairs done in braids, and I brought out my note to start reading......hmmm..I'm naturally the sharp mouthed one oooh! But the kind of talk wey I use my ear hear that day ehnn.... )
Thinking of what to do my masters in, and also Phd(I'm sure y'all would be wondering by now, but that's really what I want to do), and I over heard an aunt say, men are scared of women who have higher degrees than them! (Topic for another day........)Well, catch y'all later, Iv gatta go back to my books!

Xoxo.....mmmuuaahhh!!!

big girls don't cry,yeah ryt!!!

Re: to my last post...........I'm supposed to be a media major, but I guess dat dream is shattered, iv gatta luk for another calling, all because of ONE MAN, who has decided to be a dog in the manger!!!
No wahala, God dey.......


.......but you know,It feels bad when
 you have got a dream for as long as you can remember and you now suddenly get to find out that you cannot live it!

I feel shattered and drained........................this is exactly how I feel! Iv tried d crying therapy but I just ended up with a headache!!! (And no alabukun in sight)
Just dropped by to take my mind of things.............................. (I don't think it worked)

this is killing me......(*dies)

I'm in an annoying and very frustrating private college!!! And I owe no-one any apologies, ahn ahn.....na wetin self, I'm almost dying from this thing called menstrual cramps, and here I am holding a paint and brush and painting this stchheewwwpid (please pronounce as spelt) set!
*side note* I am not actually, holding a paint and brush like this minuite I'm typing this post, but I just dropped it and felt I should bare my soul to you all! You get d picture now right?
Ok, moving on, in my previous post, I think iv mentioned somtn lyk being in a pact with d devil, when I say this I mean a pact with my department, this dept. Does nothing other than to siphon your energy and give it to the gods of the stage....I'm sure by now you are wondering what da HELL (in chi-gurls voice) is this nefertity talking about?
All this long serenre that I'm talking, is just saying that I'm tired of my life in this school.....wallahi, and this theatre-arts that I'm studying is not helping in anyway, (and please if you don't know anything about the theatre I would appreciate it if you don't roll your eyes) permit me to break down the way this theatre works...but then again I don't need your permission(sticking out my tongue), the minuite you go to the deans office, and get your course form and moved to the academic affairs unit, you will be given the choice of courses to fill and with happiness as someone who is now in the university that's how d person will happily fill and then sign his or her doom!
They never tell you that immediately you become a theatre art student, even if you are majoring in media (like beautiful me) or script-writing, dancing, music, or even audience(snickers, don't mind me ooh, there is nuffn lyk this* for those ppl who will go and believe that there is really something like a major in Audience) you will have to be able to do the following, even if you like be an Ajebutter (like me*wink) :
1) Build sets (check for set in the dictionary, I no fit explain)*walking away, but my milk of human kindness, draws me back* oya set is the background of the play, e.g if a play is depicted in a parlour, you must make it look like a parlour, anything or anywhere the director says the setting is, then we must build am like that.
2) You must try your hands in script-writing, and for this you must be reallly creative, and there is something called the muse(these are the supposed spirits which muse into you, to write something reasonable for printing)and please whoever knows about muses will know how elusive this things are, jizzz, I remember once when I had an assignment on writing a satire with 8 xters and the works....I had this assignment for a whole month, that was when my muse decided to visit the grave of its dead grand-father!! Hmmnnn....when the day before I submit this assignment came, meehn, I couldnt wait anymore for the freakum muse so I dusted my slippers, and ran 440(see very fast) to wherever the muse was hiding and dragged it by its flighty wings back, and na so I write my assignment oooh! Hmmnn......wahala
3) Costume and make-up: this might sound like fun....but when they tell you to make a fresh dewy skinned gal of 10 to look lyk a hunch-backed 69 year old woman, you go know how far.
4) Lights: anoda tory for another day....with the climbing of ladders and rearranging of light bulbs and gelatin.....
5) Props: you will read through the whole script, and bring out every freakum thing which is termed as property, even to the speck of sand, even if those things are outdated, you must produce them,...I remember when I acted a role,at some point I get to have a tail....hmmm...that story na for another day..
6) Publicity: if your lecturer-in-charge tells you that he needs 600 people, even if you have to give birth to children that will fill the audience space, na that one concern you! Wherever you bring the people, he or she isn't concerned as long as you bring the specified number of people.
7)Stage managing
8)Directing: I did this once and almost died of post-traumatic stress disorder.......
9) Dance: even if you don't only have two left legs but also a body that goes anti-clock-wise on default, you must dancve when the time comes!
10) Editing
11)Music: this one na by force too, if you like make your vocal chords burst....you must all na for your marks
12)Event managing: this one na OTONDO!! You must find one event or come up with one and manage it, and buy all d serenre that is needed for the event to be a success, and did I add that all this is with your money? Most times I feel sorry for my folks...
13) Acting: need I say anything?
14)Media:you must do cinematography, broadcasting, direct your talk show, produce for someborry, have a talk show too....omo I don tire...

A babe can only take soo much, or don't you think so? And lest I forget you have to take part in at least 45 plays before you are allowed to graduate! (Coupled with all this, I need to have a social life, a MR right which I already have, I'll gist you all about him later*wink*and I work*now crying* abeg no be die be that?)

Hmmmnnnn........I have a practical exam in approximately 3hours hence the brush and paint and frustration and I'm blogging out my frustrations, abeg I nid your prayers!

randomnesssssssssssssssss

ok, nothing much to say, just that tummy hurts like hell (like say i don go hell before), brain feels fried (due to excess jacking) hormones are in turmoil, all because say person dey in monthly period, and this school doesnt even help matters in anyway.................iv still gatta keep upto 80 percent attendance, and this as usual is exam period, i seriously cant wait to finish with this ish, and go home.............
back to this menstrual pain.....mehhnnnn the pain is deadly, gosh.....i fit type this post because iv been taking pain killers for the past three days before the main day oooh, hmnnn............i heard somewhere that by the time you have a child, you wouldnt feel any pain cha cha.....but biko, if thats the only way for the pain to stop, i can wait...... i can imagine the look on my folks face when i tell them i want to have a child sake of say menstrual pain , lmao......i can just imagine, my dad might even have a stroke........................... anyway this post is just full of randomness..................but abeg, true true i don tire for this kind of pain every month...................(crying) any ideas on how to quench this kind of pain please???????????? (pardon me abeg, im still trying out my hand in pidgin english, i really suck at it.......but hey practice makes perfect ryt................luv u all..........mmmmuaaah)

I decided to post a little something on the kind of life I have in this school of myn!

Wake up! Wake up!! Wake up!!! It is now 6:00am! And you bootifu(beautiful) ladies of queen esther all(hall)(she has a very bad h factor)should hall(all) wake up and get ready for the day! The voice of the hall Potress rings out!! This wakes me up instantly even though I try to stifle the voice with my pillow! It seemed as if she knew my intentions and shouted with emphasis, you berra don't cofa(cover) ♈ōϋя hear (ear) and do has(as) hif (if) you don't know you should wake up! (This is her idea of phonetics, and mind you all she says is directly into d mouth of a speaker phone). There was ‎​​№ wishing her away cos she was determined to stay!! Then I decided to open ♏γ̲̣̣̥ eye and look across @​​​​​​​​ ♏γ̲̣̣̥ room mate, who is still sleeping soundly! @​​​​​​​​ this point I'm determined to go back to slip but iv' got a 9:am class! So I better get dressed! Just as if she read my mind, she shouts into the speaker again (mental note to self- please lecture this people on what a public address system is.) Ladies its now 7:00am come out for morning devotion!!( I know by now your seriously wondering, what the hell kind of school am in, that call ladies for morning devotion and wakes them up, but that would be a story for another day ) where the heavens did time run to? I was just awake for lyk 20mins and its already 7:00am? I hurriedly run into the kitchen to boil water for my bathe, then this is the time when ♏γ̲̣̣̥ kettle decides to act up! I coarse and beg and pray in every language that I know begging it to work, it finally listens to ♏γ̲̣̣̥ plea and boils ♏γ̲̣̣̥ water, I thank it profusely as I get into the bathroom! By this time ♏γ̲̣̣̥ roommates have gone for the devotion already without having their bathes (yuck). By the time I'm done in the bathroom, I hear the girls already singing, and I know that I won't be able to make it! *smh*(shaking my head) I go to the wardrobe thinking of what to wear, after much uncertainty I finally settle for the purple skirt and white short sleeved shirt, with the purple slim belt and black ballet pumps. As I saunter to the parlor(yes I said parlor, we've got parlors in ours rooms, ha! In yur face) to iron d clothes, I remember that I'm not wearing anything(absolutely nada) and ill have to @​​​​​​​​ least put on some undies! After much contemplating,I decide on the black lacy one, feeling happy with myself, I go back to ♏γ̲̣̣̥ ironing singing along to backstreet boys! Then dis is wen they decide to take the light
!! Sheeeesh! Iv just got barely 30mins! To class! And here I am still in my undies!! Welcome. To a typical Monday in my life!! Ill catch y'all later!! Gatta run!

EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMS

This is the part of the semester when the aliens lecturers and the powers that be get to decide our fate, this is the period when i get this feeling that my brains are fried,  when my default setting is on "READ MODE" as iv said earlier in one of my posts, I'm the best in my class(and no please, I'm not rubbing it in) i'm just stating facts, in fact ehnn, I'm being really modest here, if not i would've told u that my least score is a B'. (smirking)
 One thing with this school is that, once you have been selected by these aliens lecturers as a potential "BEST GRAD. STUDENT" there is definitely  no hiding place for you, you've just gatta keep being the best that you can (to their standard oooh) who born you to say something like "Excuse me sir, im tired" the kind of lecture you would receive that day ehnnn, you ma go dey wonder self, if na them dey pay your school fees.
(im actually stealing out of my library time to update this)
Right now, my mind is like both on rewind and fast foward and pause and play and slow and .......infact its jumbled up, by the time i try to think and also check my schedule to know if i can relax or not, i'll hit you all with my write-ups(to those that dont know, i write for a major mag in Lazgidi)




Ke mesia
Nefertity with a "Y"

MOI contd.

ok, uhmmmm i had to run out the other time becausem the internet connection was goin hay wire, not that it is any better today tho' but i made a promise to continue my last update, and this is me again..............
okay iv got a REALLLLY Straight face (BOSS LADY)kinda face, so most people tend to think im either bossy, a snob or a proud babe(i actually over heard someone say, "what does that chick even feel like? is she the only fine girl around? abegi") but i actually don't try in anyway to correct this people because those that matter know that i am the direct opposite of what they say, and seeing as they diont matter why correct them? i think thats all i can think of now,..................................CHILL, something else, i laugh a whole lot, most times i bbm and i type in ROTFL, LOL, odds are that i really am. when i think of something else, i cross my heart, i promise to share.

ABOUT MOI

I just want you all to get to know about me, and what i stand for, wrote this like ages ago, but didnt know it was tucked up somewhere in my drafts.............................its kinda belated but, hey, better late than Never or what dyu think? (wink)

Name: CHINUA (and yes i'm a girl) also known as Nefertity to my friends, and Ngozi only to my Grandpa.
AGE: 2(you can add anything at d back of 2)
Occupation: student, and also writer for a popular mag. in Lagos (billionaire heiress at heart), aim to be a major force to b reckoned with in the world of media.
SCHOOL: a private school in NAIJA
COURSE: Theatre-Arts , majoring in media
Pet peeves: Dirtiness, uncouthness.
Likes: I ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY LOVE reading, im a voracious reader, i read anything as long as it grabs my attention, I like to think that im a good dancer(just being modest), i LIKE food(as lomg as its good food, i'd eat it), I love looking good(all the time). im all about poise, elegance and social grace,everything that makes you a lady(this is not saying you cant be crazy when your with paddys)

Size: Im a size 10 (uk), even though i used to be a size 18, then moved to a size 16, and then weighed a whopping 102kg, then finally to weigh 65kg. its been up and down, but im steady now, ben this way for the past 2 years(in fact this weight matter ehn, na story for another day)

im sooooooooooooooooooo sorry peeps, this freaking interntet connection is acting up, iv gatta run, but i promise to continue from where i stopped......................luv you all (mmmmuahhhh) (i didnt edit ooo, so biko, ignore the typos)

BELATED BIRTHDAY STORY

ok, i, officially an adult, and truthfully i dont know how that feels. i feel kinda happy and sad, cos now i get to pay my bills, and am fully answerable to the law, and please dont think, im some eighteen year old.................
Anyways, my birthday, was quite eventful, cos i got a new lappy(which i had been begging pops for, but since he didnt see anything wrong with my ooooooold DELL,apart from the fact that it was almost falling apart, and that the paint which was sprayed on it, was already chapped) got the most coveted BRITNEY SPEARS perfume, and also Mum came around to school, to see me yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, and she brought CAKES, drinks and other mede-mede that comes with having a birthday....................................
   the funny part came when she was leaving, my uncle just jejely came out of the car, and said "lets pray" as i stood, waiting for the prayer to begin, the next thing i heard was (in a very loud voice) JEHOVAHHHHHH, JEHOOOOVVAAJHH, praise songs, this was directly in front of my hostel oooooo........ i didnt know wether to feel humiliated or blessed, but since it was my birthday abegii, i juist  tanda for there join am dey sing..............this went on for 20 mins...... tyhe interesting party comes in, when he starts praying, and he goes.......In Jesus Name.........................thank  you  God for today..............NOW THAT SHE IS A FULL FLEDGED ADULT, FATHER LORD BRING SUITORS TO HER IN JESUS NAME, AND DONT LET HER SAY NO................ remember that he was actually shouting and in front of my hostel............................. jiiizzzzzzzzzzzzz, i didnt even know how to feel, the only thing in remember doing is to open my eyes a little and check if people were passing, before they start wondering wat kinda freak i am.......................................

ill be  back......gatta run.