Thursday, 22 August 2013

just a little something......... Divorce

I cannot even start apologising without feeling a truckload of guilt. How I wan use mouth take talk the "I am sorry self"? How and where do I begin the apologising from? This is me kneeling, rolling, somersaulting, backfliping with apologies.

Well unto more important stuff I guess that life has been as fair to you all as it has been to me. Well a lot has happened in the past year in fact a major change has transpired in my life apart from the fact that my laptop has suddenly turned into a television (once the power is out the thing just dies) I have finally through with college YIPEEEEEEE *whips out wrapper and enters owigiri style of dancing* I turned 22 in march. Added a lot of weight and DUM..DUM...DUM DRUMROLL PLEASE.... I got engaged to the best man in the whole uniiverse. its quite obvious im excited right? well the above gist shall be turned into a bit of a mini diary right here on this blog... i wish i could vow and pledge to post as much and as frequent as possible, but lets see how it goes. and with this whole talk about marriage, i started wondering why and what particular reasons make people get a divorce and i came up with a short piece......................


DIVORCE (this is to show that it does not have to be anything major before divorce happens, there is only so much a woman can take) My name is Bernice and I will just get to the business of it. I would describe myself as a free spirit, who simply means an uninhibited person or in plainer English an independent person, so I have never been a clingy female; in fact clingy females disgust me to no end.
Let me tell you a little bit about my kind of person. I am a woman in all ramifications of the word, richly endowed in the right places, looking good is a necessity, smelling heavenly is mandatory, and putting things in their right position is the way to go. On work days I'm all covered up in the right places with good work shoes and moderate makeup on while on Fridays I love to let my hair down, cleaveage exposed, six inch heels and with the reddest of lips, swaying my hips to the latest jam. You would never see me in party shoes or clothes on a Sunday morning; neither would you see a lot of flesh covered on a Friday night. Yes, this is me in summary and I expect you to love me for who I am.
         I am going to keep this as short as possible, you really cannot tell how much emotional and psychological trauma I go through on a daily basis when things just don’t go my way or when things are not done in the right way, doctors have termed my condition as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) but I really couldn’t be bothered. This led me to my search for the one man who would and could keep up with my kind of lifestyle. It took me five years to finally find someone who tried to fit in, he was as sweet as I would let him be to me, did all the romantic things a man would do; and then I decided that we would get married, he had no objections... I opted for a small wedding ceremony, because I most definitely could not stand a swarm of sweaty people who have only come to eat my food and at least I could control the crowd a little bit from where I would be seated. It was perfect.

The marriage was far from it; Eric (my husband) did every single thing wrong. He would always press the tube of the toothpaste from the middle, drop a large black, green or brown lump of excreta depending on whatever we had the night before in the toilet bowl and would just walk away as though he was from the lineage of Lot who God told not to look back in the bible. When he urinates, it is as though he is playing basketball with his penis and his urine with the toilet bowl as his target. yes i can imagine the look of disgust on your face but believe me it is better imagines than experienced. Just imagine this... rushing into the toilet with your bladder almost bursting, of course You do not look where you are going because your bum instinctively knows where to sit and immediately your behind hits the toilet sit you realize that you are sitting on something wet while the smell of stale urine hits you full force. I haven’t even gotten to the snoring part. Anyway to keep my sanity I had to do something, I had even called my lawyer friend to ask for how long I could stay in prison if I mistakenly killed someone, but the response wasn’t even nice at all. Do you even know I considered going to a traditionalist in search of a more PERMANENT CURE. My best bet at the end of the day was to settle for a divorce, I never doubted his love for me o, but abeg before I use person pikin take learn how to do sacrifice, make I just jejely leave am biko. It hurt me, but I had to keep myself sane!!

That is how my marriage which hadn't even lasted a year ended in an ugly divorce....what do i blame my OCD? or My Husbands Disgusting actions????

4 comments:

  1. I'm confused here. Is this neferttity's diary or bernice's. Hilarious tho. Satirical as it sounds, it's what makes the world go round. I rest my case. :d

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    1. @Anonymous this is Nefertitys blog but this is Bernice's' story. :)

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  2. First off...congratulations on your engagement! I hope everything goes well for you. It's a bit of an irony that in the same post where you announced your engagement, you also mused about divorce. The human mind is funny aint it?

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